Right On Time

“All that I wanted were things I had before. All that I needed I never needed more. All of my questions are answers to my sins. All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot

I thought I had my packet for Steve Laube all ready to go Friday but I realized at the last minute that I was lacking a SASE. So, it went out Saturday morning. It should be in Phoenix no later than tomorrow, I would think. I was more nervous on Friday than I was right before I clicked ‘send’ on the Turner Publishing query. Sending a hard copy query is totally different than emailing one. Especially a query that is accompanied by fifty pages of the manuscript. I was a little bit queasy. I’ll probably lose my lunch if I have to send all 318 pages hard copy. There’s a big difference in uploading an attachment to an email and printing out two-thirds of a ream’s worth of your soul, putting it in a flat rate box and sending it to a stranger.

Now, the question is, how nervous am I going to be now that I have to watch, not only my email for replies, but the mailbox and my cellphone. And I’ve got to be looking for two or three different area codes. No, I’m not so confident to be expecting a phone call, but I am confident enough to think it’s a possibility. I know there’s an agent out there with the intestinal fortitude to believe in Lost Gods as much as I do. I’d like to find him or her sooner rather than later. But I will just have to remain patient and have faith that things will happen right on time according to God’s schedule.

Not What I Wanted

“All that I wanted were things I had before. All that I needed I never needed more. All of my questions are answers to my sins. All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot

I tried out for the PERT team again. Tryouts have changed since I was on it the last time. Instead of just push-ups, sit-ups and a two-mile run, they’re much closer to the physical agility test police cadets have to go through to pass Basic Law Enforcement Training. I wasn’t fast enough. I just found out today that I was passed over for the two case manager positions I applied for. A year ago, I would have kept trying, kept applying and then, if neither of these things happened, I would have said, ‘Eh, it’s just not in the cards for me.’ What if it’s more than that? What if they’re not happening because it’s not what I really want? I could keep trying, keep applying, working harder and I would eventually succeed, but only because I’m stubborn and I persevered. Not because I really wanted to. I still have faith that Lost Gods is going to be huge and entirely from God. Now, it wouldn’t be fair if I got a case manager position or on the PERT team, sent to training on the state’s dime, if I’m just going to be resigning in six months. And all the effort I put towards PERT team or case manager could be applied to getting published. Not to mention, neither the PERT team nor case manager would mean a pay raise. So, I’ll just stay where I’m at. I’ll apply for a sergeant’s position if it comes up. That does come with a pay raise and it won’t take away from the effort to get published.