Gradr Journal Entry #7

“All that I wanted were things I had before.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”

From Circle by Slipknot

March 10th, 2010

I had no idea how difficult this would be. I knew it would be hard, but I didn’t anticipate God sending so many people to test my will. My family has been great at keeping me busy. There are a couple people who didn’t get the memo, but that’s okay. I love them anyway. There is one friend who I expected to be there for me—someone to talk to if I couldn’t talk to my wife. His phone service is cancelled or suspended or something. When I send a text message, the sent message has an arrow if it was successful and then the arrow becomes a checkmark when the recipient gets it. My text to my friend still has an arrow. Now, if I get on facebook, I very well may find a message saying he got a new phone number. Seven days from now I’ll be able to do that, but that doesn’t help me right now.

I miss the camaraderie I had on the Deyo. Black, Wiggins, Sharer, Phelps, Hagg… I miss hanging out with those guys. Faustini was a butthole and Frisoni was annoying sometimes but I miss them all the same. Wiggins is still in the Navy in Florida. I never thought he’d be a lifer. Ronnie Black. That’s my MIA friend. He’s down in the Greenville, SC area. At least he was the last time I talked to him. That was on facebook on February 4th—the day before my 40 days of Gradr started. Maybe this is a test of my will, too. 40 days and I can’t have on of my best friends around for support. Man, is he going to hear about it next week.

I haven’t had that kind of camaraderie since I left the Navy. I guess when you live together, work together, go out together and drink together, you form a bond that lasts forever. Kind of like marriage. Not exactly. I didn’t sleep with anyone in the Navy, though, my nearest neighbors were three feet above me, three below me and four feet to me left.