“All that I wanted were things I had before.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
March 16th, 2010
The last day. The 40th day of my 40 Days of Gradr. I believe I’m stronger now than I was a month and ten days ago. My will is stronger. My mind is more focused. I’m ready. I’m ready to do what needs to be done. I had one final test last night. I had to go online to pay a bill. I did not waver. I’m surprised I didn’t get a tower today. One last chance for my family of crows to haunt me for six hours.
Tomorrow is the beginning of the next phase. I am a butterfly about to emerge from the cocoon. That sounds dramatic and cheesy, I know, but it’s metaphorically accurate. You could say I’ve been in a cocoon for years and started to come out of it last July. I think everyone goes through a metamorphosis or two at some point in their lives. I’ve been through several, myself. Mind you, they’ve been of varying degrees, but the one I’m currently about to step out on the other end of is, in my opinion, the most profound. Especially if you put the beginning at early last year. I will most likely continue this entry later today, but for now… I need more coffee.
Not many people have a nemesis. I do. He is Khan to my Kirk. Longshanks to my William Wallace. Magneto to my Professor X. He’s actually the Raiders fan I spoke of yesterday, so, he’s, literally, the Raiders to my Broncos. I just found out since my last cup of coffee that he is, apparently, emerging from his own cocoon. At the end of a ten year journey. Now that I think about it, I’m also at the end of a ten year journey. It was interesting to think about when I was looking at the context of the last five years, but to take into account the past ten… and for someone else, someone leading a charge on the opposite front, to be completing their own concurring journey, it’s like a real-life comic book story arc. On the one hand, it’s good because we’re both becoming more knowledgeable in our quest to better each other. More knowledgeable of the world. More knowledgeable of ourselves. On the other hand, it’s actually quite sad because the more we debate, the higher and more intense our fiery passion for our cause becomes and the less likely it is that either of us will abandon it.
A fitting end to my Gradr journal entries. This time around at least. We’ll see if next years can top these.
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