June 16th, 2010
Okay, so, Mill City Press is awesome. Yes, there’s a sizable upfront cost, but, as the saying goes, you have to spend money to make money. Right? And what MCP would be doing with my money is working their butt off to sell my book. Nearly everything I was planning to do myself is part of their premium plan and as far as I can tell they do everything a big-house publisher does for their authors. I have to have the book professionally edited in order to be eligible for the premium plan, so in total, it’s going to cost me over $5300 upfront. That sounds like a lot of money… and it is, but if I can sell 1100 t-shirts with $5 profit each, I’ve got it. I can do this, but not without God and not without the help of my family and friends.
No, I’m not asking you to stand on a street corner with a box of t-shirts, but what you can do is spread the word. Send everyone you know to cafepress.com/lostgods once I let you know that I have the new logo uploaded. Have a link in your email signature. Put up fliers (look at the album in my Facebook photos marked “Fliers”) anywhere you’re able. I’m not asking anyone to donate anything. If you want to, that’s fine. I won’t turn it down. My good friend Kyle has already given me the first $20 and I am eternally grateful. God will bring me $5300, one way or another.
I hope to talk with someone about working on the logo here in the next couple of days. Sometimes it seems like I’m taking that test where you put the shaped blocks into the right holes and I’ve got a round block and someone keeps moving the round hole just before I insert the block. It’s initially frustrating, but when I think about who it is that’s moving the hole and why He’s moving the hole, there’s an inner peace that washes through me. Every time I hear a crow, I hear God saying, “It’s all right. I got you.”
I will be starting a new blog after this one. Look for The Raven’s Post. I will not be using my napalmcocktail email anymore. It’s gotten too spamerrific.
“All that I wanted were things I had before. All that I needed I never needed more. All of my questions are answers to my sins. All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
If There Be Crows
June 11th, 2010
The decision has been made. Self-publishing it is. I thought it was going to go the other way. I didn’t see a single crow all morning but as soon as I got on the golf cart to go out to Post 4, I heard one. I looked around and there it was—on an antennae on the roof of the high rise. Ten minutes later, I was sitting in the chair on Post 4 and counted six. Two hours later, eight flew right in front of me. God is awesome.
“All that I wanted were things I had before. All that I needed I never needed more. All of my questions are answers to my sins. All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
The decision has been made. Self-publishing it is. I thought it was going to go the other way. I didn’t see a single crow all morning but as soon as I got on the golf cart to go out to Post 4, I heard one. I looked around and there it was—on an antennae on the roof of the high rise. Ten minutes later, I was sitting in the chair on Post 4 and counted six. Two hours later, eight flew right in front of me. God is awesome.
“All that I wanted were things I had before. All that I needed I never needed more. All of my questions are answers to my sins. All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
The Fleece at the Door
June 8th, 2010
Well, I’ve all but made up my mind. The morning of Wednesday last week, I prayed that if self-publishing was not part of God’s plan, for Him to send all the crows that visit me somewhere else. Later that morning, I was on the 2nd floor, looking out the window. The sun had just come up and there, on the grass beside post 2, were all seven crows that visit me on the towers. I had never seen them all together so early in the day. The next day, as I was in my car leaving work, two crows were beside the entrance road. Never before had I seen them there leaving from work.
When I was getting my lunch ready this morning, I asked God if He could send more proof—to really cement it. I had to take 68 cups of drug test pee to Charlotte and I saw one fly over as I drove down I-485 and another one once I got on Harris Blvd. Then, I came back and I’m doing my first round of security checks. I just happen to look out the window toward the yard and there were three sitting atop a light pole.
I know what some might think—that crows are too common. They’re everywhere. Okay, if they’re everywhere, then answer me this—I was on Post 1 for four hours in the afternoon the day I saw all seven on the grass. In those four hours, I didn’t see a single crow. Now, you’re saying, ‘Well, there’s your sign. He sent them somewhere else.’ I say no. If He had removed them in answer to my prayer, I would not have seen them that morning. God is not a halfway kind of guy. Nor is he a slow starter. What He did do was, after answering my prayer by letting me see crows, prove to me that it is possible for an area to be free of crows for an extended amount of time. If He had just removed them for the four hours I was on the tower, that’s confusing. He put all seven on the grass as soon as the sun came up. No confusion from where I stood at the window. As far as I was concerned, that was my answer—my fleece at the door, dry as a bone.
Now, I still can’t get online until the 14th, so, what I’m doing until then is making sure the people closest to me are willing to be my marketing team. I’m using the word ‘marketing’ very loosely here. It’s more like guerilla marketing. Some, I will ask to go to every bookstore they know and ask if they have Lost Gods by Kenn Phillips, even before it’s released. Others, I will ask to wear a t-shirt from my Cafepress shop sporting an LG logo. I will ask everyone to spread the word however they are able about Lost Gods. I will put images in a photo album on my Facebook that you can save to your computers and put on fliers and post them wherever you want to.
I’ve decided that, in order to make it black and white, crystal clear, I’m going to ask God for one more day. When I come to work on Friday and I get a tower, if I’m blessed with even one crow, then self-publishing it is. If I get a dearth of crows, then I’m supposed to contact Comfort Publishing in Concord—first on my list of small publishers. Either way, I will be responsible for the majority of the marketing, so, that will not change. The main thing that will change will be the printer and how copies of the book can be purchased.
“All that I wanted were things I had before. All that I needed I never needed more. All of my questions are answers to my sins. All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
Well, I’ve all but made up my mind. The morning of Wednesday last week, I prayed that if self-publishing was not part of God’s plan, for Him to send all the crows that visit me somewhere else. Later that morning, I was on the 2nd floor, looking out the window. The sun had just come up and there, on the grass beside post 2, were all seven crows that visit me on the towers. I had never seen them all together so early in the day. The next day, as I was in my car leaving work, two crows were beside the entrance road. Never before had I seen them there leaving from work.
When I was getting my lunch ready this morning, I asked God if He could send more proof—to really cement it. I had to take 68 cups of drug test pee to Charlotte and I saw one fly over as I drove down I-485 and another one once I got on Harris Blvd. Then, I came back and I’m doing my first round of security checks. I just happen to look out the window toward the yard and there were three sitting atop a light pole.
I know what some might think—that crows are too common. They’re everywhere. Okay, if they’re everywhere, then answer me this—I was on Post 1 for four hours in the afternoon the day I saw all seven on the grass. In those four hours, I didn’t see a single crow. Now, you’re saying, ‘Well, there’s your sign. He sent them somewhere else.’ I say no. If He had removed them in answer to my prayer, I would not have seen them that morning. God is not a halfway kind of guy. Nor is he a slow starter. What He did do was, after answering my prayer by letting me see crows, prove to me that it is possible for an area to be free of crows for an extended amount of time. If He had just removed them for the four hours I was on the tower, that’s confusing. He put all seven on the grass as soon as the sun came up. No confusion from where I stood at the window. As far as I was concerned, that was my answer—my fleece at the door, dry as a bone.
Now, I still can’t get online until the 14th, so, what I’m doing until then is making sure the people closest to me are willing to be my marketing team. I’m using the word ‘marketing’ very loosely here. It’s more like guerilla marketing. Some, I will ask to go to every bookstore they know and ask if they have Lost Gods by Kenn Phillips, even before it’s released. Others, I will ask to wear a t-shirt from my Cafepress shop sporting an LG logo. I will ask everyone to spread the word however they are able about Lost Gods. I will put images in a photo album on my Facebook that you can save to your computers and put on fliers and post them wherever you want to.
I’ve decided that, in order to make it black and white, crystal clear, I’m going to ask God for one more day. When I come to work on Friday and I get a tower, if I’m blessed with even one crow, then self-publishing it is. If I get a dearth of crows, then I’m supposed to contact Comfort Publishing in Concord—first on my list of small publishers. Either way, I will be responsible for the majority of the marketing, so, that will not change. The main thing that will change will be the printer and how copies of the book can be purchased.
“All that I wanted were things I had before. All that I needed I never needed more. All of my questions are answers to my sins. All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
At the Crossroads
June 2nd, 2010
No, I’m not selling my soul. I’m at the sort of crossroads where I have two options. I’ve been at this cross roads before. And I’ve ventured down both avenues. Here I am again… with a decision to make. One road has me continuing down the path of traditional publishing—finding an agent, jumping through all the hoops. The other road leads to self-publishing—Lulu.com, CreateSpace on Amazon or something similar.
This book is going to happen, one way or another. And it’s going to be big, one way or another. I remember writing, at one point, though, I’m not sure if I posted it or not, that self-publishing would be the easy route—that it wouldn’t take much faith. I’d like to take that thought back. Self-publishing would, indeed, make Lost Gods officially published rather easily. But I’m not stopping there. I plan to make a career out of writing. Turning a self-published book into a success—that will take some faith. You can count on one hand the number of authors in the modern era of publishing that have self-published and became a success. Christopher Paolini is the most recent that I know.
What lead to this train of thought, you ask? Well, minutes after my last blog, where I was talking about how it’s been a week since I sent the Steve Laube packet, I checked my mail—my snail mailbox—and right there on top was a letter addressed to me in my wife’s handwriting. My wife was sitting beside me in the car and recognized her own handwriting. I reminded her that she wrote out the SASE for the Steve Laube packet. It was a form letter rejection. My heart sank just a little bit. I was not in full-blown discouraged mode, but I had been feeling pretty good about Mr. Laube.
I’ve emailed everyone I can email in the agents list. The next step would be sending out snail mail queries and emails to small publishers that accept unsolicited queries. Then, I thought… what am I waiting for? This thing’s going to happen whether Bantam publishes it, Simon and Schuster or I publish it.
My wife, who, at one time, was against me self-publishing Lost Gods, is behind me with whatever I want to do. Now, I will not only need the help of my wife, but I will need the help of all my friends and family. I’ve got a new logo idea for merchandise on Cafepress. If someone wants to help me with the logo, that would be super. There’s only so much I can do with Paint Shop Pro 7. Profit from Cafepress will help with the cost of getting books to send to reviewers at newspapers and magazines. I’ll need help, also, with getting a book trailer made—like a movie trailer, with some deep-voiced voice-over guy saying cliché things, only it’s about a book… and mine will be less cliché. The camera, I have. The voice-over guy, I have. The film editing software, I have, too. The actors, I don’t have. So, who’s game? Anyone want to stand at the crossroads, ready to venture forth, one way or the other?
“All that I wanted were things I had before. All that I needed I never needed more. All of my questions are answers to my sins. All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
No, I’m not selling my soul. I’m at the sort of crossroads where I have two options. I’ve been at this cross roads before. And I’ve ventured down both avenues. Here I am again… with a decision to make. One road has me continuing down the path of traditional publishing—finding an agent, jumping through all the hoops. The other road leads to self-publishing—Lulu.com, CreateSpace on Amazon or something similar.
This book is going to happen, one way or another. And it’s going to be big, one way or another. I remember writing, at one point, though, I’m not sure if I posted it or not, that self-publishing would be the easy route—that it wouldn’t take much faith. I’d like to take that thought back. Self-publishing would, indeed, make Lost Gods officially published rather easily. But I’m not stopping there. I plan to make a career out of writing. Turning a self-published book into a success—that will take some faith. You can count on one hand the number of authors in the modern era of publishing that have self-published and became a success. Christopher Paolini is the most recent that I know.
What lead to this train of thought, you ask? Well, minutes after my last blog, where I was talking about how it’s been a week since I sent the Steve Laube packet, I checked my mail—my snail mailbox—and right there on top was a letter addressed to me in my wife’s handwriting. My wife was sitting beside me in the car and recognized her own handwriting. I reminded her that she wrote out the SASE for the Steve Laube packet. It was a form letter rejection. My heart sank just a little bit. I was not in full-blown discouraged mode, but I had been feeling pretty good about Mr. Laube.
I’ve emailed everyone I can email in the agents list. The next step would be sending out snail mail queries and emails to small publishers that accept unsolicited queries. Then, I thought… what am I waiting for? This thing’s going to happen whether Bantam publishes it, Simon and Schuster or I publish it.
My wife, who, at one time, was against me self-publishing Lost Gods, is behind me with whatever I want to do. Now, I will not only need the help of my wife, but I will need the help of all my friends and family. I’ve got a new logo idea for merchandise on Cafepress. If someone wants to help me with the logo, that would be super. There’s only so much I can do with Paint Shop Pro 7. Profit from Cafepress will help with the cost of getting books to send to reviewers at newspapers and magazines. I’ll need help, also, with getting a book trailer made—like a movie trailer, with some deep-voiced voice-over guy saying cliché things, only it’s about a book… and mine will be less cliché. The camera, I have. The voice-over guy, I have. The film editing software, I have, too. The actors, I don’t have. So, who’s game? Anyone want to stand at the crossroads, ready to venture forth, one way or the other?
“All that I wanted were things I had before. All that I needed I never needed more. All of my questions are answers to my sins. All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Let There Be No Speed But All Ahead Full
It’s been over a week since I sent the Steve Laube packet out. I know it’s barely enough for it to have gotten there and even if it has, it will probably be weeks before I get a response. Knowing that does not make the wait any easier. God, grant me patience.
We were on our way back home from dinner the other night. I was in the back seat with Kamden. He was being a little fussy so I was holding his hand. Kamden’s car seat was in the middle and I was to his left. My right arm was trapped underneath the top of his car seat, so I was reaching over with my left hand to hold his. With my head resting on the top of his car seat, my thoughts drifted to my sister, for some reason. The 5th anniversary of her death is in less than 2 weeks. Maybe that’s why. I started to think about what I know of the car accident. How she lay in a stranger’s arms afterward, in and out of consciousness. The car she was driving had veered right. We think she nodded off. 7 o’clock in the morning on an hour commute. She overcorrected, flipped the car on its side and hit a telephone pole with the top of the car. My eyelids became wet as I thought about what must have been going through his mind as he body fought to stay alive. Most likely, she thought of her one year-old daughter, having spent two weeks with her and Richard, her husband, after being away from them for two or three months as she dealt with post-partum depression among other issues that were weighing on her.
In the days that followed her passing, I was looking through pictures for ones that could be used for her memorial. I came across some of me and my, at the time, soon-to-be ex-wife, Liz, and some of me and my ex before her, Courtney. She had written little notes around the pictures. I was suddenly aware that my little sister viewed me as a screw-up. She didn’t say it but I felt like a failure and a disappointment to my whole family.
Her life lit the fire beneath me to give me the desire and determination to what I want to do while I can do it—to go all ahead full with Lost Gods. But until now, I have not had the courage to move on. I hold the memory of her in my heart, but until now, I’ve been afraid to rejoin those pieces of her that are still alive. Afraid because of what those notes said. Each day that goes by and I pass up the opportunity to reconnect, the fear grows, the guilt grows and the more haunted I am by the ghost of my sister. I don’t want to be haunted anymore. And I want to get to know my niece.
Now that I think about it… it’s not my sister’s ghost that haunts me. It’s mine. My ghost. The ghost of all my failures and mistakes. They’re all mine. I own them. I cannot erase them. Nor would I want to. Without them, I would cease to exist. So, how do I get rid of my ghosts? I have to realize that right now… I am not a failure. I am the best father I can be. I am the best husband I can be. I am the best son I can be. I am the best brother I can be. I am the best Christian I can be. I am the best correctional officer I can be. I am the best writer I can be. Right now, I am the best Kenn Phillips I can be. Even if I fail, and I will from time to time, as soon as it’s over, it’s on the past. As long as I continue to try and make the present a success, than I will be a success.
Without the past, the present does not exist. Without the present, there can be no future.
All ahead full. My two years in the Navy inspires me still, it seems.
“All that I wanted were things I had before. All that I needed I never needed more. All of my questions are answers to my sins. All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
We were on our way back home from dinner the other night. I was in the back seat with Kamden. He was being a little fussy so I was holding his hand. Kamden’s car seat was in the middle and I was to his left. My right arm was trapped underneath the top of his car seat, so I was reaching over with my left hand to hold his. With my head resting on the top of his car seat, my thoughts drifted to my sister, for some reason. The 5th anniversary of her death is in less than 2 weeks. Maybe that’s why. I started to think about what I know of the car accident. How she lay in a stranger’s arms afterward, in and out of consciousness. The car she was driving had veered right. We think she nodded off. 7 o’clock in the morning on an hour commute. She overcorrected, flipped the car on its side and hit a telephone pole with the top of the car. My eyelids became wet as I thought about what must have been going through his mind as he body fought to stay alive. Most likely, she thought of her one year-old daughter, having spent two weeks with her and Richard, her husband, after being away from them for two or three months as she dealt with post-partum depression among other issues that were weighing on her.
In the days that followed her passing, I was looking through pictures for ones that could be used for her memorial. I came across some of me and my, at the time, soon-to-be ex-wife, Liz, and some of me and my ex before her, Courtney. She had written little notes around the pictures. I was suddenly aware that my little sister viewed me as a screw-up. She didn’t say it but I felt like a failure and a disappointment to my whole family.
Her life lit the fire beneath me to give me the desire and determination to what I want to do while I can do it—to go all ahead full with Lost Gods. But until now, I have not had the courage to move on. I hold the memory of her in my heart, but until now, I’ve been afraid to rejoin those pieces of her that are still alive. Afraid because of what those notes said. Each day that goes by and I pass up the opportunity to reconnect, the fear grows, the guilt grows and the more haunted I am by the ghost of my sister. I don’t want to be haunted anymore. And I want to get to know my niece.
Now that I think about it… it’s not my sister’s ghost that haunts me. It’s mine. My ghost. The ghost of all my failures and mistakes. They’re all mine. I own them. I cannot erase them. Nor would I want to. Without them, I would cease to exist. So, how do I get rid of my ghosts? I have to realize that right now… I am not a failure. I am the best father I can be. I am the best husband I can be. I am the best son I can be. I am the best brother I can be. I am the best Christian I can be. I am the best correctional officer I can be. I am the best writer I can be. Right now, I am the best Kenn Phillips I can be. Even if I fail, and I will from time to time, as soon as it’s over, it’s on the past. As long as I continue to try and make the present a success, than I will be a success.
Without the past, the present does not exist. Without the present, there can be no future.
All ahead full. My two years in the Navy inspires me still, it seems.
“All that I wanted were things I had before. All that I needed I never needed more. All of my questions are answers to my sins. All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Right On Time
“All that I wanted were things I had before. All that I needed I never needed more. All of my questions are answers to my sins. All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
I thought I had my packet for Steve Laube all ready to go Friday but I realized at the last minute that I was lacking a SASE. So, it went out Saturday morning. It should be in Phoenix no later than tomorrow, I would think. I was more nervous on Friday than I was right before I clicked ‘send’ on the Turner Publishing query. Sending a hard copy query is totally different than emailing one. Especially a query that is accompanied by fifty pages of the manuscript. I was a little bit queasy. I’ll probably lose my lunch if I have to send all 318 pages hard copy. There’s a big difference in uploading an attachment to an email and printing out two-thirds of a ream’s worth of your soul, putting it in a flat rate box and sending it to a stranger.
Now, the question is, how nervous am I going to be now that I have to watch, not only my email for replies, but the mailbox and my cellphone. And I’ve got to be looking for two or three different area codes. No, I’m not so confident to be expecting a phone call, but I am confident enough to think it’s a possibility. I know there’s an agent out there with the intestinal fortitude to believe in Lost Gods as much as I do. I’d like to find him or her sooner rather than later. But I will just have to remain patient and have faith that things will happen right on time according to God’s schedule.
From Circle by Slipknot
I thought I had my packet for Steve Laube all ready to go Friday but I realized at the last minute that I was lacking a SASE. So, it went out Saturday morning. It should be in Phoenix no later than tomorrow, I would think. I was more nervous on Friday than I was right before I clicked ‘send’ on the Turner Publishing query. Sending a hard copy query is totally different than emailing one. Especially a query that is accompanied by fifty pages of the manuscript. I was a little bit queasy. I’ll probably lose my lunch if I have to send all 318 pages hard copy. There’s a big difference in uploading an attachment to an email and printing out two-thirds of a ream’s worth of your soul, putting it in a flat rate box and sending it to a stranger.
Now, the question is, how nervous am I going to be now that I have to watch, not only my email for replies, but the mailbox and my cellphone. And I’ve got to be looking for two or three different area codes. No, I’m not so confident to be expecting a phone call, but I am confident enough to think it’s a possibility. I know there’s an agent out there with the intestinal fortitude to believe in Lost Gods as much as I do. I’d like to find him or her sooner rather than later. But I will just have to remain patient and have faith that things will happen right on time according to God’s schedule.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Not What I Wanted
“All that I wanted were things I had before. All that I needed I never needed more. All of my questions are answers to my sins. All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
I tried out for the PERT team again. Tryouts have changed since I was on it the last time. Instead of just push-ups, sit-ups and a two-mile run, they’re much closer to the physical agility test police cadets have to go through to pass Basic Law Enforcement Training. I wasn’t fast enough. I just found out today that I was passed over for the two case manager positions I applied for. A year ago, I would have kept trying, kept applying and then, if neither of these things happened, I would have said, ‘Eh, it’s just not in the cards for me.’ What if it’s more than that? What if they’re not happening because it’s not what I really want? I could keep trying, keep applying, working harder and I would eventually succeed, but only because I’m stubborn and I persevered. Not because I really wanted to. I still have faith that Lost Gods is going to be huge and entirely from God. Now, it wouldn’t be fair if I got a case manager position or on the PERT team, sent to training on the state’s dime, if I’m just going to be resigning in six months. And all the effort I put towards PERT team or case manager could be applied to getting published. Not to mention, neither the PERT team nor case manager would mean a pay raise. So, I’ll just stay where I’m at. I’ll apply for a sergeant’s position if it comes up. That does come with a pay raise and it won’t take away from the effort to get published.
From Circle by Slipknot
I tried out for the PERT team again. Tryouts have changed since I was on it the last time. Instead of just push-ups, sit-ups and a two-mile run, they’re much closer to the physical agility test police cadets have to go through to pass Basic Law Enforcement Training. I wasn’t fast enough. I just found out today that I was passed over for the two case manager positions I applied for. A year ago, I would have kept trying, kept applying and then, if neither of these things happened, I would have said, ‘Eh, it’s just not in the cards for me.’ What if it’s more than that? What if they’re not happening because it’s not what I really want? I could keep trying, keep applying, working harder and I would eventually succeed, but only because I’m stubborn and I persevered. Not because I really wanted to. I still have faith that Lost Gods is going to be huge and entirely from God. Now, it wouldn’t be fair if I got a case manager position or on the PERT team, sent to training on the state’s dime, if I’m just going to be resigning in six months. And all the effort I put towards PERT team or case manager could be applied to getting published. Not to mention, neither the PERT team nor case manager would mean a pay raise. So, I’ll just stay where I’m at. I’ll apply for a sergeant’s position if it comes up. That does come with a pay raise and it won’t take away from the effort to get published.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Map Reading
“All that I wanted were things I had before.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
When it comes to writing a novel, there are those who let the pen do the walking—wherever it takes them, so be it—and those who need to look at a map first. I am of the latter. Mind you, I draw my own map, but I still try and figure out where I’m going before I set out on the path.
Well, the map has been drawn. I laid out the plot points for Lost Gods – Book Two and I’m really excited. I even have a working title—Mark of the Raven. You didn’t think I was going to call it Lost Gods 2, did you? Or Lost Gods – The Revenge. Ha! Espionage, intrigue, romance and murder. Well, magic, yeah, there’s magic in there, too. This is fantasy we’re talking about. But, as in the first book, magic is just a plot device—a catalyst to keep the story moving. The drama is where it really happens. The emotions of the characters.
So… I imagine you’re wondering what Mark of the Raven… or MotR… is about. Hmm… how much do I reveal… I will tell you this—there’s a war coming. And it will still be on the horizon at the end of MotR. On one side, the members of the Circle of Light prepare themselves for battle. I’ll give you three guesses who’s on the opposite side and the first two don’t count.
I’ve never understood that saying. The answer’s always obvious—something you’d guess on the first try. But if the first and second guesses don’t count… I don’t know. Maybe it’s saying, ‘I’ll give you three but you’re only going to need one.’ In fact, that’s what I’m going to say from now on instead of telling you that two-thirds of your guesses don’t count. It would make more sense if it were, ‘I’ll give you three guesses but the last two don’t count,’ because you’d guess it on the first try and don’t need the last two. Either way, I’ll give you three guesses who is on the opposite front from the Circle of Light, but you’ll only need one.
That wild and crazy tangent out of the way…
There’s one minor character from Book One that gets a lot more page time in MotR. Actually, by the end, she will be a major character. Oops. I gave you a hint there, didn’t I… Oh well. You have plenty of minor female characters to ponder over. I think that’s all the information I’m going to give you right now. No need for a
*********SPOILER ALERT**********
yet. When I get an offer for representation, I’ll post the first chapter. How’s that?
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
When it comes to writing a novel, there are those who let the pen do the walking—wherever it takes them, so be it—and those who need to look at a map first. I am of the latter. Mind you, I draw my own map, but I still try and figure out where I’m going before I set out on the path.
Well, the map has been drawn. I laid out the plot points for Lost Gods – Book Two and I’m really excited. I even have a working title—Mark of the Raven. You didn’t think I was going to call it Lost Gods 2, did you? Or Lost Gods – The Revenge. Ha! Espionage, intrigue, romance and murder. Well, magic, yeah, there’s magic in there, too. This is fantasy we’re talking about. But, as in the first book, magic is just a plot device—a catalyst to keep the story moving. The drama is where it really happens. The emotions of the characters.
So… I imagine you’re wondering what Mark of the Raven… or MotR… is about. Hmm… how much do I reveal… I will tell you this—there’s a war coming. And it will still be on the horizon at the end of MotR. On one side, the members of the Circle of Light prepare themselves for battle. I’ll give you three guesses who’s on the opposite side and the first two don’t count.
I’ve never understood that saying. The answer’s always obvious—something you’d guess on the first try. But if the first and second guesses don’t count… I don’t know. Maybe it’s saying, ‘I’ll give you three but you’re only going to need one.’ In fact, that’s what I’m going to say from now on instead of telling you that two-thirds of your guesses don’t count. It would make more sense if it were, ‘I’ll give you three guesses but the last two don’t count,’ because you’d guess it on the first try and don’t need the last two. Either way, I’ll give you three guesses who is on the opposite front from the Circle of Light, but you’ll only need one.
That wild and crazy tangent out of the way…
There’s one minor character from Book One that gets a lot more page time in MotR. Actually, by the end, she will be a major character. Oops. I gave you a hint there, didn’t I… Oh well. You have plenty of minor female characters to ponder over. I think that’s all the information I’m going to give you right now. No need for a
*********SPOILER ALERT**********
yet. When I get an offer for representation, I’ll post the first chapter. How’s that?
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Text Messages from God
“All that I wanted were things I had before.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
I sent out the first query nearly three weeks ago. Now, I’ve sent out a total of thirty-two. Thirteen have come back rejected so far. I’m doing pretty good about staying positive. I know God has an agent out there for me. I just have to find him or her. I do hope that, whoever they are, they accept email queries, because that’s the list I’m going through first—agents who accept e-queries.
God keeps reassuring me, though. He keeps sending me messages that let me know everything will work out. A couple have even been text messages. No. I’m not losing my mind. Twice last week I was driving down the road, thinking about the book and I got behind two different vehicles with a license plate number that began with RVN. To someone else, that might be nothing, but about a month ago, while I was doing my 40 Days of Gradr thing, I was having trouble keeping my mind off the book and I passed a truck stop, at which sat a trailer with Raven Trucking on the side. Tuesday of last week, on the tower, I prayed to have a good day of writing and I heard a crow making a very raven-like sound at a point in my prayer where I had asked God for an answer to a specific question.
All these things, plus my Post 3 Raven story… You can call it coincidence. You can think I’m crazy all you want but I believe God is sending me messages through the raven. And I mean ‘the raven’ as not just a physical bird, but the word, the sound they make, the idea… of the raven. Saturday, my wife had gone shopping. When I got home, she told me she got me something. Her and her mom had seen a t-shirt with ravens on it. God blessed me with an awesome wife.
I’ve thought many times, well, maybe I should be looking for an agent who represents Christian fiction. Lost Gods is not really in that category but I was thinking that the story of how the book came to be and where I am now… eh… it might fit in there on the outskirts of the genre. Now that I think about it, though, I think God has a larger purpose in mind for it than just entertainment for Christians. Exactly what that purpose is, I don’t know yet but the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up when I think about the possibilities.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
I sent out the first query nearly three weeks ago. Now, I’ve sent out a total of thirty-two. Thirteen have come back rejected so far. I’m doing pretty good about staying positive. I know God has an agent out there for me. I just have to find him or her. I do hope that, whoever they are, they accept email queries, because that’s the list I’m going through first—agents who accept e-queries.
God keeps reassuring me, though. He keeps sending me messages that let me know everything will work out. A couple have even been text messages. No. I’m not losing my mind. Twice last week I was driving down the road, thinking about the book and I got behind two different vehicles with a license plate number that began with RVN. To someone else, that might be nothing, but about a month ago, while I was doing my 40 Days of Gradr thing, I was having trouble keeping my mind off the book and I passed a truck stop, at which sat a trailer with Raven Trucking on the side. Tuesday of last week, on the tower, I prayed to have a good day of writing and I heard a crow making a very raven-like sound at a point in my prayer where I had asked God for an answer to a specific question.
All these things, plus my Post 3 Raven story… You can call it coincidence. You can think I’m crazy all you want but I believe God is sending me messages through the raven. And I mean ‘the raven’ as not just a physical bird, but the word, the sound they make, the idea… of the raven. Saturday, my wife had gone shopping. When I got home, she told me she got me something. Her and her mom had seen a t-shirt with ravens on it. God blessed me with an awesome wife.
I’ve thought many times, well, maybe I should be looking for an agent who represents Christian fiction. Lost Gods is not really in that category but I was thinking that the story of how the book came to be and where I am now… eh… it might fit in there on the outskirts of the genre. Now that I think about it, though, I think God has a larger purpose in mind for it than just entertainment for Christians. Exactly what that purpose is, I don’t know yet but the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up when I think about the possibilities.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Gradr Journal Entry #9
“All that I wanted were things I had before.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
March 16th, 2010
The last day. The 40th day of my 40 Days of Gradr. I believe I’m stronger now than I was a month and ten days ago. My will is stronger. My mind is more focused. I’m ready. I’m ready to do what needs to be done. I had one final test last night. I had to go online to pay a bill. I did not waver. I’m surprised I didn’t get a tower today. One last chance for my family of crows to haunt me for six hours.
Tomorrow is the beginning of the next phase. I am a butterfly about to emerge from the cocoon. That sounds dramatic and cheesy, I know, but it’s metaphorically accurate. You could say I’ve been in a cocoon for years and started to come out of it last July. I think everyone goes through a metamorphosis or two at some point in their lives. I’ve been through several, myself. Mind you, they’ve been of varying degrees, but the one I’m currently about to step out on the other end of is, in my opinion, the most profound. Especially if you put the beginning at early last year. I will most likely continue this entry later today, but for now… I need more coffee.
Not many people have a nemesis. I do. He is Khan to my Kirk. Longshanks to my William Wallace. Magneto to my Professor X. He’s actually the Raiders fan I spoke of yesterday, so, he’s, literally, the Raiders to my Broncos. I just found out since my last cup of coffee that he is, apparently, emerging from his own cocoon. At the end of a ten year journey. Now that I think about it, I’m also at the end of a ten year journey. It was interesting to think about when I was looking at the context of the last five years, but to take into account the past ten… and for someone else, someone leading a charge on the opposite front, to be completing their own concurring journey, it’s like a real-life comic book story arc. On the one hand, it’s good because we’re both becoming more knowledgeable in our quest to better each other. More knowledgeable of the world. More knowledgeable of ourselves. On the other hand, it’s actually quite sad because the more we debate, the higher and more intense our fiery passion for our cause becomes and the less likely it is that either of us will abandon it.
A fitting end to my Gradr journal entries. This time around at least. We’ll see if next years can top these.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
March 16th, 2010
The last day. The 40th day of my 40 Days of Gradr. I believe I’m stronger now than I was a month and ten days ago. My will is stronger. My mind is more focused. I’m ready. I’m ready to do what needs to be done. I had one final test last night. I had to go online to pay a bill. I did not waver. I’m surprised I didn’t get a tower today. One last chance for my family of crows to haunt me for six hours.
Tomorrow is the beginning of the next phase. I am a butterfly about to emerge from the cocoon. That sounds dramatic and cheesy, I know, but it’s metaphorically accurate. You could say I’ve been in a cocoon for years and started to come out of it last July. I think everyone goes through a metamorphosis or two at some point in their lives. I’ve been through several, myself. Mind you, they’ve been of varying degrees, but the one I’m currently about to step out on the other end of is, in my opinion, the most profound. Especially if you put the beginning at early last year. I will most likely continue this entry later today, but for now… I need more coffee.
Not many people have a nemesis. I do. He is Khan to my Kirk. Longshanks to my William Wallace. Magneto to my Professor X. He’s actually the Raiders fan I spoke of yesterday, so, he’s, literally, the Raiders to my Broncos. I just found out since my last cup of coffee that he is, apparently, emerging from his own cocoon. At the end of a ten year journey. Now that I think about it, I’m also at the end of a ten year journey. It was interesting to think about when I was looking at the context of the last five years, but to take into account the past ten… and for someone else, someone leading a charge on the opposite front, to be completing their own concurring journey, it’s like a real-life comic book story arc. On the one hand, it’s good because we’re both becoming more knowledgeable in our quest to better each other. More knowledgeable of the world. More knowledgeable of ourselves. On the other hand, it’s actually quite sad because the more we debate, the higher and more intense our fiery passion for our cause becomes and the less likely it is that either of us will abandon it.
A fitting end to my Gradr journal entries. This time around at least. We’ll see if next years can top these.
Gradr Journal Entry #8
“All that I wanted were things I had before.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
The Ides of March, 2010
Well, it’s day 39 and I’m not half crazy yet. I’m not counting down the minutes either. That’s a good thing. Right? I have to say, though, it hasn’t been an easy forty days. And not just because of what I’m doing without. We’ve had an elderly family member pass away, my wife tore cartilage in her knee, she’s been having problems with her back and sinuses, my youngest son had tubes put in his ears and now he has a viral throat infection that caused a rash all over his body. I had refresher training for five days, before which, I had to work the whole weekend and the Sunday after, I sneezed and realized very quickly I had a torn pectoral muscle. If that weren’t enough, there’s my brother and his drama, which, by itself, would make an excellent show on TLC. Real Idiots of Davie County. I love my brother, but he is an idiot.
Okay. Now that I got that off my chest… so, the Broncos got Brady Quinn from Cleveland. I’m not sure how I feel about that yet. I can’t say I haven’t wondered how he would have done had Denver picked him instead of Cutler. I mean, look what happened with Cutler. I’m hoping Quinn just hasn’t had the opportunity to shine due to the team he was on. This Raiders fan co-worker of mine pointed out that Ladainian Tomlinson is out of the division. Okay, except there’s a reason for that—because the Chargers don’t need him with Sproles. Anyway, it should be an interesting season, depending on what they do with Brandon Marshall.
I bet you didn’t know this was a sports blog. I’m kidding. Hey, I’ve got to write about something and this is what I’m thinking about today. Deal with it.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
The Ides of March, 2010
Well, it’s day 39 and I’m not half crazy yet. I’m not counting down the minutes either. That’s a good thing. Right? I have to say, though, it hasn’t been an easy forty days. And not just because of what I’m doing without. We’ve had an elderly family member pass away, my wife tore cartilage in her knee, she’s been having problems with her back and sinuses, my youngest son had tubes put in his ears and now he has a viral throat infection that caused a rash all over his body. I had refresher training for five days, before which, I had to work the whole weekend and the Sunday after, I sneezed and realized very quickly I had a torn pectoral muscle. If that weren’t enough, there’s my brother and his drama, which, by itself, would make an excellent show on TLC. Real Idiots of Davie County. I love my brother, but he is an idiot.
Okay. Now that I got that off my chest… so, the Broncos got Brady Quinn from Cleveland. I’m not sure how I feel about that yet. I can’t say I haven’t wondered how he would have done had Denver picked him instead of Cutler. I mean, look what happened with Cutler. I’m hoping Quinn just hasn’t had the opportunity to shine due to the team he was on. This Raiders fan co-worker of mine pointed out that Ladainian Tomlinson is out of the division. Okay, except there’s a reason for that—because the Chargers don’t need him with Sproles. Anyway, it should be an interesting season, depending on what they do with Brandon Marshall.
I bet you didn’t know this was a sports blog. I’m kidding. Hey, I’ve got to write about something and this is what I’m thinking about today. Deal with it.
Gradr Journal Entry #7
“All that I wanted were things I had before.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
March 10th, 2010
I had no idea how difficult this would be. I knew it would be hard, but I didn’t anticipate God sending so many people to test my will. My family has been great at keeping me busy. There are a couple people who didn’t get the memo, but that’s okay. I love them anyway. There is one friend who I expected to be there for me—someone to talk to if I couldn’t talk to my wife. His phone service is cancelled or suspended or something. When I send a text message, the sent message has an arrow if it was successful and then the arrow becomes a checkmark when the recipient gets it. My text to my friend still has an arrow. Now, if I get on facebook, I very well may find a message saying he got a new phone number. Seven days from now I’ll be able to do that, but that doesn’t help me right now.
I miss the camaraderie I had on the Deyo. Black, Wiggins, Sharer, Phelps, Hagg… I miss hanging out with those guys. Faustini was a butthole and Frisoni was annoying sometimes but I miss them all the same. Wiggins is still in the Navy in Florida. I never thought he’d be a lifer. Ronnie Black. That’s my MIA friend. He’s down in the Greenville, SC area. At least he was the last time I talked to him. That was on facebook on February 4th—the day before my 40 days of Gradr started. Maybe this is a test of my will, too. 40 days and I can’t have on of my best friends around for support. Man, is he going to hear about it next week.
I haven’t had that kind of camaraderie since I left the Navy. I guess when you live together, work together, go out together and drink together, you form a bond that lasts forever. Kind of like marriage. Not exactly. I didn’t sleep with anyone in the Navy, though, my nearest neighbors were three feet above me, three below me and four feet to me left.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
March 10th, 2010
I had no idea how difficult this would be. I knew it would be hard, but I didn’t anticipate God sending so many people to test my will. My family has been great at keeping me busy. There are a couple people who didn’t get the memo, but that’s okay. I love them anyway. There is one friend who I expected to be there for me—someone to talk to if I couldn’t talk to my wife. His phone service is cancelled or suspended or something. When I send a text message, the sent message has an arrow if it was successful and then the arrow becomes a checkmark when the recipient gets it. My text to my friend still has an arrow. Now, if I get on facebook, I very well may find a message saying he got a new phone number. Seven days from now I’ll be able to do that, but that doesn’t help me right now.
I miss the camaraderie I had on the Deyo. Black, Wiggins, Sharer, Phelps, Hagg… I miss hanging out with those guys. Faustini was a butthole and Frisoni was annoying sometimes but I miss them all the same. Wiggins is still in the Navy in Florida. I never thought he’d be a lifer. Ronnie Black. That’s my MIA friend. He’s down in the Greenville, SC area. At least he was the last time I talked to him. That was on facebook on February 4th—the day before my 40 days of Gradr started. Maybe this is a test of my will, too. 40 days and I can’t have on of my best friends around for support. Man, is he going to hear about it next week.
I haven’t had that kind of camaraderie since I left the Navy. I guess when you live together, work together, go out together and drink together, you form a bond that lasts forever. Kind of like marriage. Not exactly. I didn’t sleep with anyone in the Navy, though, my nearest neighbors were three feet above me, three below me and four feet to me left.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Gradr Journal Entry #6
“All that I wanted were things I had before.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
February 21st, 2010
I’m getting really tired of this place. It’s not the work that’s getting to me. It’s the people. And mostly the people above me. Supervising inmates and maintaining security at a medium custody prison is, surprisingly, not a difficult thing to do. Having upper management, namely lieutenants and captains, who care for the welfare of the inmates more than they do their officers—that’s what makes the job difficult. I have training all week starting tomorrow. That’s more than forty hours. And they can’t let me off early today. So, I have to work over thirty-six hours in three days and then do five straight nine hour days in addition. There’s supposed to be a case manager job opening up soon. I’m going to apply for it. If I manage to get that position, it won’t change my surroundings very much, but at least I’ll have better hours and weekends off. And if I don’t get it, I’ll put in for every case manager job and probation/parole opening until someone let’s me take off this stupid blue uniform. It’s not the uniform’s fault. It can’t help the fact that it represents a powerless position. Yes, I said powerless. It may say Law Enforcement at the top of our timesheets and prisons across the state may participate in the Law Enforcement Torch Run for Special Olympics, but ask me how many restaurants in Salisbury will give correctional officers the same Law Enforcement discount they give police. Even though the same guys that run the streets and are brought in with the use of guns and tasers are guarded in prison with nothing but pepper spray. Sure, we have guns on the towers, but nobody is stupid enough to try and escape. They’re treated too good here.
Something in my life needs to change. I thought coming to day shift would be the change I needed but the daylight has only opened my eyes and now I’m awake to all the political crap that goes on in here. Who knows? Maybe as a case manager or probation/parole officer I would be even more aware. Ranting and raving did help my headache a little. That’s good. I still feel the same inside, though. Perhaps I need to take my own advice I gave someone recently—Let go. Let God.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
February 21st, 2010
I’m getting really tired of this place. It’s not the work that’s getting to me. It’s the people. And mostly the people above me. Supervising inmates and maintaining security at a medium custody prison is, surprisingly, not a difficult thing to do. Having upper management, namely lieutenants and captains, who care for the welfare of the inmates more than they do their officers—that’s what makes the job difficult. I have training all week starting tomorrow. That’s more than forty hours. And they can’t let me off early today. So, I have to work over thirty-six hours in three days and then do five straight nine hour days in addition. There’s supposed to be a case manager job opening up soon. I’m going to apply for it. If I manage to get that position, it won’t change my surroundings very much, but at least I’ll have better hours and weekends off. And if I don’t get it, I’ll put in for every case manager job and probation/parole opening until someone let’s me take off this stupid blue uniform. It’s not the uniform’s fault. It can’t help the fact that it represents a powerless position. Yes, I said powerless. It may say Law Enforcement at the top of our timesheets and prisons across the state may participate in the Law Enforcement Torch Run for Special Olympics, but ask me how many restaurants in Salisbury will give correctional officers the same Law Enforcement discount they give police. Even though the same guys that run the streets and are brought in with the use of guns and tasers are guarded in prison with nothing but pepper spray. Sure, we have guns on the towers, but nobody is stupid enough to try and escape. They’re treated too good here.
Something in my life needs to change. I thought coming to day shift would be the change I needed but the daylight has only opened my eyes and now I’m awake to all the political crap that goes on in here. Who knows? Maybe as a case manager or probation/parole officer I would be even more aware. Ranting and raving did help my headache a little. That’s good. I still feel the same inside, though. Perhaps I need to take my own advice I gave someone recently—Let go. Let God.
Gradr Journal Entry #5
“All that I wanted were things I had before.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
February 20th, 2010
I’m having trouble coming up with something to write about today. I think the best cure for writer’s block is to write about having writer’s block. Not that this journal thing is something that needs to be done everyday by any means. I’m just bored out here on the tower—again—and can’t think of anything to write about that doesn’t have to do with the book.
The last time I checked before my 40 Days of Grady, I had two followers on my blog. Assuming I’ll accumulate more as time goes by, someone is going to wonder what I mean by ‘Circular Path.’ There are a few meanings hidden in there. A circle is a single, unbroken line—never-ending. You take one section out and it’s no longer a circle—everything it had encompassed falls apart. My life is a circle. I grew up in a broken home. My sons are growing up in a broken home. I was on a Christian path in high school. Then, I strayed for several years. Now, I’m back on my Christian journey. If you remove any single element of my life, all that I am ceases to exist. Another definition of my ‘circular path’ comes from the song “Circle” by Slipknot, which I quote at the top of my blog. Some might think it strange that I, being a spiritual, Christian person would quote Slipknot, but give the song a listen if you have the opportunity. It’s one of their softer, slower songs, so you can actually understand what Corey is saying when he sings.
The third definition is represented in the book and I’m not talking about that right now, so, I’m going to let you find that one on your own.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
February 20th, 2010
I’m having trouble coming up with something to write about today. I think the best cure for writer’s block is to write about having writer’s block. Not that this journal thing is something that needs to be done everyday by any means. I’m just bored out here on the tower—again—and can’t think of anything to write about that doesn’t have to do with the book.
The last time I checked before my 40 Days of Grady, I had two followers on my blog. Assuming I’ll accumulate more as time goes by, someone is going to wonder what I mean by ‘Circular Path.’ There are a few meanings hidden in there. A circle is a single, unbroken line—never-ending. You take one section out and it’s no longer a circle—everything it had encompassed falls apart. My life is a circle. I grew up in a broken home. My sons are growing up in a broken home. I was on a Christian path in high school. Then, I strayed for several years. Now, I’m back on my Christian journey. If you remove any single element of my life, all that I am ceases to exist. Another definition of my ‘circular path’ comes from the song “Circle” by Slipknot, which I quote at the top of my blog. Some might think it strange that I, being a spiritual, Christian person would quote Slipknot, but give the song a listen if you have the opportunity. It’s one of their softer, slower songs, so you can actually understand what Corey is saying when he sings.
The third definition is represented in the book and I’m not talking about that right now, so, I’m going to let you find that one on your own.
Gradr Journal Entry #4
“All that I wanted were things I had before.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
February 19th, 2010
I think we’re going to sign up my oldest son for flag football. This will be his first organized sport. I don’t know if he’ll like baseball as much as I did when I was a kid. Of course, watching baseball today is not the same as it was growing up, either. There was just something about watching the Cubs and listening to Harry Carey. Baseball is just not the same anymore.
I’m actually surprised I didn’t ever try out for football. I’m not sure, exactly, why I didn’t. I guess maybe it’s part of that whole ‘I’d be in a different place now and not aligned with my destiny’ thing. You think about it—if I had played football in junior high, maybe have run in with the wrong crowd and maybe I would have had more confidence and gotten better grades. And if all of that happened, I might have never moved to North Carolina. Then again, if I had stayed in Colorado, there is a certain scenario that could have played out very, very badly. I am slowly beginning to learn not to question God’s plans—why things happen the way they do.
I can’t wait to see my son get his first touchdown. It’s going to be unreal, the joy I will feel. I can imagine it rivaling the birth of my youngest. Okay, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but it will come close, I think.
I think I remember hitting a homerun in tee-ball, but outside of that one season, I’ve never hit one. I played soccer for three or four years but I was always goalie or a defensive player. I never scored a goal. I had one shot on goal, but I missed. I played basketball for one season in junior high. Mr. Microsoft was on that team, too. I never had the opportunity to make a play.
I played softball a couple seasons ten years ago and there are two plays that stick out in my mind. The first one, I hit a line drive into the outfield. I was rounding second when the throw came. I slid into third as the third baseman caught the ball. He missed the tag but he was between me and the base. A huge cloud of dust engulfed us both. I reached my hand over and touched the bag before he tagged me and I had myself a triple. The second memory, I was playing shortstop and snatched a speeding line drive out of the air like I was catching a fly with chopsticks. My nickname even before that was Obi-Wan Kennobi. Get it? Anyway, I felt like a jedi that day. But seeing my son run towards the endzone with a football in his hand will have me more happy than I was either of those two days. Now, you might mistakenly believe that I’m living vicariously through my children, You’d be wrong. I want my kids to be successful in whatever they choose to do. And seeing them succeed is going to make more happy than I could ever be succeeding myself.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
February 19th, 2010
I think we’re going to sign up my oldest son for flag football. This will be his first organized sport. I don’t know if he’ll like baseball as much as I did when I was a kid. Of course, watching baseball today is not the same as it was growing up, either. There was just something about watching the Cubs and listening to Harry Carey. Baseball is just not the same anymore.
I’m actually surprised I didn’t ever try out for football. I’m not sure, exactly, why I didn’t. I guess maybe it’s part of that whole ‘I’d be in a different place now and not aligned with my destiny’ thing. You think about it—if I had played football in junior high, maybe have run in with the wrong crowd and maybe I would have had more confidence and gotten better grades. And if all of that happened, I might have never moved to North Carolina. Then again, if I had stayed in Colorado, there is a certain scenario that could have played out very, very badly. I am slowly beginning to learn not to question God’s plans—why things happen the way they do.
I can’t wait to see my son get his first touchdown. It’s going to be unreal, the joy I will feel. I can imagine it rivaling the birth of my youngest. Okay, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but it will come close, I think.
I think I remember hitting a homerun in tee-ball, but outside of that one season, I’ve never hit one. I played soccer for three or four years but I was always goalie or a defensive player. I never scored a goal. I had one shot on goal, but I missed. I played basketball for one season in junior high. Mr. Microsoft was on that team, too. I never had the opportunity to make a play.
I played softball a couple seasons ten years ago and there are two plays that stick out in my mind. The first one, I hit a line drive into the outfield. I was rounding second when the throw came. I slid into third as the third baseman caught the ball. He missed the tag but he was between me and the base. A huge cloud of dust engulfed us both. I reached my hand over and touched the bag before he tagged me and I had myself a triple. The second memory, I was playing shortstop and snatched a speeding line drive out of the air like I was catching a fly with chopsticks. My nickname even before that was Obi-Wan Kennobi. Get it? Anyway, I felt like a jedi that day. But seeing my son run towards the endzone with a football in his hand will have me more happy than I was either of those two days. Now, you might mistakenly believe that I’m living vicariously through my children, You’d be wrong. I want my kids to be successful in whatever they choose to do. And seeing them succeed is going to make more happy than I could ever be succeeding myself.
Gradr Journal Entry #3
“All that I wanted were things I had before.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
February 14th, 2010
This week did not go how I envisioned it at all. I wrote a song that I had planned on recording and giving to my wife for Valentine’s Day. Instead, her heart was broken when her grandfather was taken to the emergency room on the 6th and passed away on the 10th. The first ten days of this Gradr experiment of mine went by in a flash but I would endure a thousand upon a thousand days of Gradr if I could be promised that she would never have as much heartache as she’s had in the past week. I know life would not be life without death, but that sentiment doesn’t make the passing any easier. I have to say, though… the support system that she has, and that I have because of her, is immeasurable. I wish everyone could have that. Well, thirty days to go.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
February 14th, 2010
This week did not go how I envisioned it at all. I wrote a song that I had planned on recording and giving to my wife for Valentine’s Day. Instead, her heart was broken when her grandfather was taken to the emergency room on the 6th and passed away on the 10th. The first ten days of this Gradr experiment of mine went by in a flash but I would endure a thousand upon a thousand days of Gradr if I could be promised that she would never have as much heartache as she’s had in the past week. I know life would not be life without death, but that sentiment doesn’t make the passing any easier. I have to say, though… the support system that she has, and that I have because of her, is immeasurable. I wish everyone could have that. Well, thirty days to go.
Gradr Journal Entry #2
“All that I wanted were things I had before.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
February 6th, 2010
The Saints and the Colts play in the Super Bowl tomorrow. I took the day off. I asked for it off last year but the leave request got lost. This will be the first Super Bowl Sunday I will have had off since the last time the Colts were in the Super Bowl. I’m rooting for the Saints. I’m not a Saints fan per se, nor am I pulling for them simply because they’ve never gone to the Super Bowl or because they’re the underdogs. It’s both those reasons as well as the fact that my brother is a Colts fan. At least he was when he and I watched Super Bowl XLI. He’s a wagoneer. Growing up we were both Broncos fans. Then, when the Buffalo Bills started going to the Super Bowl, he was a Bills fan. A few years ago he became a Colts fan. When the Broncos were on their run early in the season, he was a Broncos fan. Me—I’ve been a fan of the Orange Crush since Craig Morton was their quarterback.
We were both Chicago Cubs fans growing up, too. Raised on Harry Carey. A few years ago, he became a Red Sox fan. Something that really kind of made me mad… my dad and step-mom went to Chicago recently and I asked them to get my sons a Cubs souvenir if they felt so inclined. We had a family get together in September. They gave my brother the Red Sox fan a Cubs Hall of Fame t-shirt and a few plastic souvenir cups. My sons got nothing. My brother was nice enough to offer two of the cups to me. Whatever.
Now, if the Cubs don’t make it to the World Series, I’m rooting for whichever team is the most un-Red Sox-ish. If my Broncos don’t get to the Super Bowl, I’m rooting for anyone who isn’t the Colts—even if it means pulling for my wife’s Cowboys. Luckily, this year I don’t have to do that. So, ‘Who dat?’ Who dat wagoneer?
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
February 6th, 2010
The Saints and the Colts play in the Super Bowl tomorrow. I took the day off. I asked for it off last year but the leave request got lost. This will be the first Super Bowl Sunday I will have had off since the last time the Colts were in the Super Bowl. I’m rooting for the Saints. I’m not a Saints fan per se, nor am I pulling for them simply because they’ve never gone to the Super Bowl or because they’re the underdogs. It’s both those reasons as well as the fact that my brother is a Colts fan. At least he was when he and I watched Super Bowl XLI. He’s a wagoneer. Growing up we were both Broncos fans. Then, when the Buffalo Bills started going to the Super Bowl, he was a Bills fan. A few years ago he became a Colts fan. When the Broncos were on their run early in the season, he was a Broncos fan. Me—I’ve been a fan of the Orange Crush since Craig Morton was their quarterback.
We were both Chicago Cubs fans growing up, too. Raised on Harry Carey. A few years ago, he became a Red Sox fan. Something that really kind of made me mad… my dad and step-mom went to Chicago recently and I asked them to get my sons a Cubs souvenir if they felt so inclined. We had a family get together in September. They gave my brother the Red Sox fan a Cubs Hall of Fame t-shirt and a few plastic souvenir cups. My sons got nothing. My brother was nice enough to offer two of the cups to me. Whatever.
Now, if the Cubs don’t make it to the World Series, I’m rooting for whichever team is the most un-Red Sox-ish. If my Broncos don’t get to the Super Bowl, I’m rooting for anyone who isn’t the Colts—even if it means pulling for my wife’s Cowboys. Luckily, this year I don’t have to do that. So, ‘Who dat?’ Who dat wagoneer?
Gradr Journal Entry #1
“All that I wanted were things I had before.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
Not talking about the book is going to be hard enough but not even thinking about it… not taking notes, not jotting down any ideas. It’s going to be rough. But… “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Phillipians 4:13) Right? What makes it even harder today is being on the tower. Every time I’m out here I’m visited by a family of seven crows. No, they’re not my Post 3 raven but seeing them and hearing them inspires me just the same. I could use a tower drought right about now. I couldn’t get enough of them before. Now, it’s torture. I don’t even have any Sudoku puzzles with me. I can hear my wife taunting me with our son on her lap, “We’re going to hold you to it, Daddy.” I know. I know. It’s only forty days. Navy boot camp was longer than that. I came out stronger then and I’ll come out stronger forty days from now
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
February 5th, 2010
Today is the first day of my first annual 40 Days of Gradr. No internet and no book talk. But I still the itch to write, so, I thought I’d start a Gradr journal. Yesterday I found this guy I went to school with on Facebook. We weren’t really friends in the sense that we hung out together. He was a good guy from what I could tell, but we were just from two separate crowds. According to his Facebook profile, he’s the Senior Operations Manager at Microsoft. Yeah. That’s what I said.
Anyway, finding him made me think of baseball. We played Little League together in junior high. He was a good pitcher and a really good hitter, too. He had a couple of homeruns, if I’m not mistaken. Me, I never swung the bat. I don’t know why. I didn’t get my first hit in a game, outside of tee-ball, until a scrimmage when I was on the Ft. Collins High junior varsity team shortly before my grades made me ineligible. I find myself wondering sometimes how different my life would be if I had swung the bat earlier.
I think it was fate keeping me from swinging that bat. It was God’s plan. I know he wants us to succeed in life, but he knew that in order for me to do what I feel I’m destined for, I had to live the life I’ve lived. And that life started with a lack of confidence and self-esteem. So, no, I don’t regret the fact that I have to work at a medium custody prison until my destiny comes to fruition, while someone I played baseball with is a big wig at Microsoft—all because he swung the bat and I didn’t. At least, that’s how I see it. I know there’s more to it than that, but it makes for good storytelling—a good metaphor, you know?
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
40 Days
“All that I wanted were things I had before.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
Well, I've finally finished the synopsis Lost Gods, and there's only five or six minor details to work out in the manuscript itself. That being said, my wife has revealed some frustration with me because I told her I would take a break from all things Lost Gods. For some reason, I have just been unable to shut off my brain. I keep jotting down notes fro LG sequels. I keep wondering what the future holds. Son and so on and so on. So... I was inspired by my wife's frustration, as well as by an upcoming religious tradition. I've been inspired to pull the plug... for forty days--my own personal Lent (mind you, I'm not Catholic or Lutheran). No internet and nothing Lost Gods. No Farmville and no email beginning Friday, February 5th. You know what that means? By St. Patrick's Day, I will be sick to death of doing Sudoku at work. I might even make it an annual tradition of my own. I shall name it Gráðr which means 'hunger' in Old Norse. I'm hungry to be published, but not as hungry as I'll be if my wife isn't happy. Ta-ta! Toodle-loo! See you in forty days or so.
All that I needed I never needed more.
All of my questions are answers to my sins.
All of my endings are waiting to begin.”
From Circle by Slipknot
Well, I've finally finished the synopsis Lost Gods, and there's only five or six minor details to work out in the manuscript itself. That being said, my wife has revealed some frustration with me because I told her I would take a break from all things Lost Gods. For some reason, I have just been unable to shut off my brain. I keep jotting down notes fro LG sequels. I keep wondering what the future holds. Son and so on and so on. So... I was inspired by my wife's frustration, as well as by an upcoming religious tradition. I've been inspired to pull the plug... for forty days--my own personal Lent (mind you, I'm not Catholic or Lutheran). No internet and nothing Lost Gods. No Farmville and no email beginning Friday, February 5th. You know what that means? By St. Patrick's Day, I will be sick to death of doing Sudoku at work. I might even make it an annual tradition of my own. I shall name it Gráðr which means 'hunger' in Old Norse. I'm hungry to be published, but not as hungry as I'll be if my wife isn't happy. Ta-ta! Toodle-loo! See you in forty days or so.
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